Calm Down


WHAT: Marijuana Enema
WHEN: The day you do anal

After you’re all cleaned out, you need to chill out. Anal sex is like getting a shot at the doctor’s office: the more you relax, the less it will hurt. We recommend that a few hours prior to having anal, you give yourself a marijuana enema. Because the main active ingredient in marijuana (THC) doesn’t absorb well in water, you won’t get super high. You will merely experience overall feelings of peace and euphoria, especially in your inner-bum region.

You’ll need:

-1-2 grams of marijuana
-1 ounce of oil
-1 quart of water
Enema Bulb
Personal Lubricant


1. Boil the water and pour it into a teapot
2. Steep marijuana in hot water for 1 hour
3. Strain out the marijuana leaf flakes
4. Add the oil to the marijuana water and mix
5. Pour solution into the enema bulb
6. Lubricate the enema bulb tip
7. Stick it up your bum and squeeze it out
8. Hold for as long as possible (15 mins?)

Like the fleet enema you did for Step 1, the medical marijuana enema is an “implant” enema, meaning that you squirt a small amount of fluid (in this case, medical marijuana tea) into your bum and it is just absorbed through your colon into the rest of your body. You won’t go through a dramatic poo experience, however, because medical marijuana tea enemas don’t contain any salt—the active ingredient in fleet enemas. However, you should expect some leakage, so don’t run out to 7-11 or anything unless you are certain that nothing else is “up there.”

The amount of medical marijuana tea that will not be absorbed into your colon is equivalent to the amount of smoke you would exhale after taking a big hit of medical marijuana and keeping it in your lungs for as long as possible. An unnamed user on a medical marijuana forum described a medical marijuana enema as, “kinda like holding in a large bong rip, but inverted.” 

Enema Bulb from

Why add oil?

The oil in medical marijuana tea enemas have 3 purposes for anal sex. First, because THC is not soluble in water, the oil contains all of the active ingredients. No oil, no calming effects. Second, the oil helps the medical marijuana tea stick to the inside of your bum so that it can all get absorbed into your colon. It ensures that you will feel the effect to the fullest. Third, the oil will stick around inside your bum and act as additional lubricant when your boyfriend puts his penis up there. You’ll want to use as much lubricant as possible. Lube, lube, lube!

No medical experts have been consulted. Sorry, but you know how medical experts are about semi-criminalized drugs and deviant sexual activities.